Dude, when you got pulled over that time, and the cop asked you if you'd been drinking, and you said, "That's the fact, Jack!" like Bill Murray in Stripes, that was legendary. You solidified your place in the folklore of stupid things guys do. It's a classic tale.
And when you were at the bar, and that girl asked you what your name was, and you go, "Keyser Soze," that was pretty funny too. Totally unexpected and off the cuff. So what if she called you an ass and hooked up with Sluggo.
But you gotta stop with the movie quotes, dude. Like always, you take something pure and good and organic, and overdo it. You run it into the ground, and drive it like a nail into your own comic coffin.
Oh no? You don't? It's good material?
Uh-uh, dude. No one thinks it's funny, especially when you do it all the time! And you use these lines when they don't even make sense, with bad impersonations too.
Yes you do! Yes you do, dude!
The other day, at work, we were in that meeting. You got up to use the restroom and you announce, "I'll be back," and wink at everyone in the room. Then you start laughing to yourself as you walked out the door.
Then, Joe told me that when you were standing at the urinal, you were still laughing about it, and you go, "Say hello to my little friend" in that stupid Scarface accent. That's disgusting dude!
One of the worst examples, was when we were all over by the water cooler a couple of months ago. You overheard someone talking about a tumor, and of course you pop in and say....
Right! "It's not a tumor" from Kindergarten Cop.
What's wrong with that? Dude, it is a tumor! A brain tumor. We were all talking about why Jen P. hasn't been at work in a while you dope!
And when people ask you how you're doing, you have a bunch of canned responses, most of which make no sense in context to the question. You either say, "Kowabunga, dude", "I'll make ya famous", or "You had me at hello." What the hell does that even mean? Don't you have any original thoughts up in that gin-soaked cranium of yours? Have you really drowned your own reality that deeply in the black waters of Hollywood fantasy?
Well, it's gotta stop, dude. We've had enough of "Go ahead, punk, make my day," and "I'll make him an offer he can't refuse," "Wax-ah on wax-ah off" in that horrible Mr. Miyagi accent, and "It just doesn't matter!"
You really need to get this under control. It's over. It's over dude.
No, don't go into the Belushi speech from Animal House!
Just don't be that dude.
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