Commuting on the Long Island Rail Road is
one, giant ball of annoying. Late trains, smelly trains, crowded trains,
fares that pay no observance to the laws of gravity…but perhaps there
is no single greater annoyance than the MumbleHiss.
Oh, you’ve never heard of this creature? Consider yourself lucky. It is surely like none I’ve ever heard before.
Don’t get me wrong; the MumbleHiss, like Frankenstein’s monster, is well intended. But it is grating to every sense and common sense, nonetheless. It typically sits next to, across from, or behind me with its best friend — which could be another person or a smartphone. It talks in tones loud enough to be heard, but low enough so that only “Mumble, mumble, mumble, hiss, hiss,” becomes discernible. The mantra is hypnotic, and I find myself transcendentally transported to some suburban soccer field as I desperately start to to care about what is being discussed.
“Mumble, mumble, hiss, hiss.”
Unfortunately, this creature is protected by a bunch of crazy liberal laws devised hundreds of years by some socialists. Until we can get these laws changed, or eradicated completely, we must learn to coexist with the MumbleHiss.
So, when you prepare for your morning commute, make sure you pack a pair of earphones, lest you become the MumbleHiss’s next victim. Of course, don’t turn your MP3 player too high, or you may turn into a BoomBoomChit. You know what that is, don’t you?
Oh, you’ve never heard of this creature? Consider yourself lucky. It is surely like none I’ve ever heard before.
Don’t get me wrong; the MumbleHiss, like Frankenstein’s monster, is well intended. But it is grating to every sense and common sense, nonetheless. It typically sits next to, across from, or behind me with its best friend — which could be another person or a smartphone. It talks in tones loud enough to be heard, but low enough so that only “Mumble, mumble, mumble, hiss, hiss,” becomes discernible. The mantra is hypnotic, and I find myself transcendentally transported to some suburban soccer field as I desperately start to to care about what is being discussed.
“Mumble, mumble, hiss, hiss.”
Unfortunately, this creature is protected by a bunch of crazy liberal laws devised hundreds of years by some socialists. Until we can get these laws changed, or eradicated completely, we must learn to coexist with the MumbleHiss.
So, when you prepare for your morning commute, make sure you pack a pair of earphones, lest you become the MumbleHiss’s next victim. Of course, don’t turn your MP3 player too high, or you may turn into a BoomBoomChit. You know what that is, don’t you?
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