Friday, June 29, 2012

What's the Problem? No Problem.

There exists a blight upon the English lexicon, which, if left unchecked threatens to undermine the face of casual relationships across the world.

Holding all this power, is the fist of a two-word, nine-letter phrase we all hear and use every day.

No Problem.

It seems to have become the response of choice to the venerable “Thank you,” supplanting  even the stalwart “You’re Welcome,” for which I advocated the eradication of in another post.

The phrase has become the darling of service providers and colleagues alike across the nation, and maybe even the world. The British “no worries” presents a similar danger.

You know the deal. You place your order, the server brings the food to you, you present them with a very sincere, “Thank You,” and they reply, often in the key of monotone, with: “No Problem.”

I know it’s no problem, you lazy carcass. It’s your job. Plus, all you did was walk three feet over to the French fry machine to shovel a bunch of greasy, salted potato sticks into a cardboard holder. How could that have been a problem? If there had been problems, then maybe you really have problems.

Maybe what you’re really trying to tell me is that, if it had been a problem, it’s possible that you wouldn’t have completed the task? Or, maybe you would’ve let me know how much of a problem it really was. Frankly, if it was a problem, I really don’t care. Keep me out of that part.

Again, I really don’t think any response is necessary here. I ordered, you helped me, you gave me my food, I paid you, and we’re even.

But if you really must say something, give me a good old, “My Pleasure.”

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