Dude, you know I love you, right? Like a brother. We’re
bros!
So that’s why I got you the hell out of there. You were
making a fool of yourself!
I heard you tell that guy you were kind of obsequious about
going on that Mediterranean cruise in the fall? Huh?
Why did you use that word, dude? You sucked in English, and
you’re no better now. Dude, that guy is an English professor at St. John’s. Now
they’re all laughing at you. What? No, it does not mean unsure, brother; it’s like, when
you’re overly attentive to someone, like a kiss-ass or their slave or
something.
Oh, and then I thought I heard you use the word “retinue” in
a sentence? Did you? Huh? I thought so.
It doesn’t have anything to do with going to see a movie at
night. It just refers to an entourage, or a group of people who follow you around and cater to you.
Whaddya mean, why am I getting all upset? This is serious
stuff.
By the way, Lucky Charms cereal can never be magically and
loquaciously delicious. That just means you’re talkative.
Anyway, stop with the big words. I know, you’ve been seeing
them in the elevator on your way up to work, and they show up when your iMac
goes into screen-saver mode. Actually, I’m impressed that you remembered the
words; but you need to retain their meaning or refrain from using them.
We both know you’re not up to that task, so don’t be that
dude.
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